Book Thoughts

Your Second Life Begins When You Realize You Only Have One by Raphaelle Giordano

Unaware of how I get there, or really how to get out of it, sometimes I feel, in a funk. When I get, perhaps, too far into my head, I allow myself to get stuck in a rut, or just plain bad attitude. Most often,I am a doer.I find comfort in writing lists, and well, I find even more joy in crossing items off. (Where are my people that write things on a list, just to have the ability to cross them off?) I see the world fairly (extremely) black and white. Therefore, when something feels off, my anxiety, those never once helpful racing thoughts get the better part of me. For the greater part of last night, when yes, all four of our children were peacefully sleeping, I tossed and turned, completely nervous about how to survive a cold Nebraska COVID winter. 

What I am learning, or maybe finally accepting, is that so much of life is out of our control. So much of what you consume is beyond your control. I mean, yes- you decide what to look at, or who to be around. But really, what another person does, the mess they leave, the emotions they have, so much of that is out of our reach. How much snow falls, how many previously frequented and highly appreciated toddler energy releasing outlets that are normally open, but currently closed- all completely out of my control. 

Of course, how I allow my outside influences to affect me, is of course, in my control. 

This revelation is nothing new, and I am completely aware that you’ve likely heard the same, or similar message thousands of times. While I am sure recognizing this revelation is as helpful as the blanket statement of tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps to someone, vague agreements, or head nods may be momentarily comforting, but in reality, they most likely aren’t helpful. I don’t say that to be cruel, I just mean, if you are genuinely looking for a way out; a way to do things differently, an overused sentiment is likely only good for filling space. 

So, then what? What is the solution, or even a way to start? Do you google for answers, wondering how other people do it? Do you go searching for a way to mimic, or at the very least hope for a spark of creativity in how you want to fix whatever thing you’ve determined has put you in a funk? Do you try a new routine- or allow yourself, over and over to be okay with sharing feelings with the Grinch? 

Recently, I finished the novel Your Second Life Begins When You Realize You Only Have One by Raphaelle Giordano, and among other influences, this book really got me thinking. The story outlines Cammile, a young French woman who is unhappy with most things in her life. She does not find happiness within her job, her husband, her son, or even among herself. Without notice, she carries a rain cloud above her, constantly agonizing, completely stuck in a daily cycle- one that lacks even a resemblance of joy. The novel details the woman during an astonishing transformation, working through seemingly simple steps that slowly provide her reflection, joy, and risks that ultimately lead to self-fulfillment. The tale is an uplifting adventure that, while fictional, seems so incredibly real. 

Cammile, while suffering from routine-itis, is confronted with a variety of choices, each supported by the guidance from her Routineologist, Claude. Claude provides help, in the form of seemingly simple tasks. Each task is a stepping stone that, after accomplished, helps Cammile create and live the life that she not only didn’t think was possible, but also was actively working against. My favorite part- the novel depicts each step, providing readers the opportunity to recreate Cammile’s experience. The author explains the use of routine-ology through the telling of Cammile’s fictional experience. The final chapter details, in black-and-white,  a simple ‘how-to’, or ‘things to do’.

A few of my favorites include: (honestly, it was hard to choose, as there are about twenty small steps, all responsible for the big change)

• Mental technique: Act as if: act as if your fears came true, how would you respond- what would your life look like? Act as if your dreams came true, how would you respond- what would your life look like?
• Create a power playlist- songs that give you wings, and make you feel unstoppable. 
• Walk around with an imaginary camera: modify your perception, focusing only on beautiful and positive images.
• Mission Spring Clean- inside and out; declutter your home, getting rid of all unnecessary and broken items. Do the same within yourself, get rid of all toxic people and systems that aren’t working.
• Positive Notebook- alphabetically writing your successes and joys. 
• Practicing gratitude. 

When I read this book, I was (am) struggling with my identity as a stay-at-home-mom. I struggle with knowing that my worth comes from my values, and what brings me joy, rather than only through what I accomplish professionally. I find myself focusing too much on what I don’t have (a job), rather than what it is that truly has the capacity to bring me joy. In full disclosure, I am no where near done with the internal work of enjoying each minute of every day, or well- even enjoying every day as a stay-at-home-mom. Yet, given the fictional blueprint of Cammile’s life, I find comfort in having a road map, or steps to actively work on to guide me in truly living my best life. 

If you too, feel as though you may be experiencing the same thing day-after-day. Maybe your heart feels empty, or you often wonder about what could have been, or what would have happened if- then, truly, I believe you’ll find guidance, hope, joy- and better yet, concrete steps to move your growth forward within the pages of this novel.