One of the greatest, yet most terrifying realizations that I’ve had so far on my parenting journey, is that, as a mother, I am by far one of the greatest influencers in our children’s lives. As a mom, I have the incredible opportunity to mold an actual human. I mean really- because I have four children, I have the good-fortune to shape the lives of four humans. Four actual humans.
Without a doubt, I understand that not all of who our children become are only because of what I did, or did not do as a parent. I, of course, recognize each child will also be shaped by outside influences, their siblings and certainly their father. I also acknowledge that science holds a part in their wiring. Yet, the recognition of my impact on who they are, and what they will become have the innate ability to stop me in my tracks. With this incredible gift, also comes a lot of great responsibility.
Nearly a year ago, while mindlessly scrolling through social media, an old friend boldly printed the words more is caught than taught. Her message, while short, provoked a sense of reflection that has caused me countless hours of wonder. Without allowing myself to go down the rabbit hole of filling my mind and heart with doubt, guilt or inaction- the simple phrase has always motivated me.
Many times over the last several months, I have, with intention, reproduced a list of values, expectations and general character-traits that I’d like for our children to possess. Ideals, that as their mother, I have the ability to leverage their engagement and introduce into their lives. At times this means boldly looking into my own actions, and holding myself to higher standards. Simple gestures, a calm tone, perseverance- seemingly uncomplicated daily tasks that equate to a childhood of belonging, respect, and individuality. A way to be present and intentional about how I treat each person I interact with, the activities I engage in, the words I use, and the overall person I am. Who I am, when I may think our children are not looking, is exactly the role model that they’ll remember.
So many of our routines, interactions and response to situations become the foundation to the lessons in which our children learn. The teachings we provide are woven between cooking breakfast, washing dishes and breaking glass ceilings. The largest blessing, and curse, is that our children are always watching; always ready to soak up whatever we have to directly, or indirectly teach them that day.
Our responsibility, as parents, is to acknowledge our own areas for growth, and continuously work to lessen the gap. Our capacity to develop skills to consistently work towards the person we want to be, without excuse or self-sabotage, alone may be our great challenge. So much of being a parent is about doing what is best for our family, our children, and our spouse. Yet, so much of teaching is working, with intention, to build the life you want, and the influence you want to leave.
When reflecting on who I want to be, and inevitably the daily lessons I am providing my children with, I wonder what all they are grabbing on to. Which of my good traits will they carry with them? Which of my opportunities for growth will also become theirs? How can I build myself up as both a person, and a parent, to lead a life full of intentional teaching, rather than simply hoping it all ends up okay?
Without providing additional burden or daily tasks, what simple ways can we provide positive guidance to mold the actual people we are responsible for caring for? Without adding one more thing, as parents, how can we use the simple phrase more is caught than taught to influence the way we respond to the broken vase, the call home from school, or the never-ending sibling rivalry? How can we use this phrase to influence the way we speak to ourselves, our spouse, and our children? How can we provide self-awareness to the amazing teachings that we are already providing to our children?
So much of who they’ll become, and what they’ll remember will be simply caught by the way we love them. Make time to enjoy your children, live with intention, and never forget- so much of who your children will become is caught, rather than taught.
Three Princes and a Sweet Pea 